When Nacho and I became friends little did I know that I would develop these yummy tender feels for him, I mean he was far fetched from my “ideal guy” but here I was after few months of spending almost every weekend with him, hours of chatting on bbm I actually liked the guy! Like REALLY liked him gosh!!!
WHAT HE WANTED
1. She must love God
2. She must be light in complexion
3. She must be soft spoken
4. She must love being indoors
5. She must be a creative
*I wanted more things but I can’t remember them because when I try to think, all I can think of are my wife’s qualities and how they are actually good for me*.
Out of the list of what I wanted in a wife, I only got two things right. Someone who loves God and they a creative. Other than that, the other things are totally not what I wanted. I basically wanted a female version of myself. Maybe it’s because I enjoyed spending time by myself so much that I wanted to marry a female version of myself.
When I met my wife, I had no idea that I will end up marrying her since she was so far from what I told myself I wanted. Didn’t even entertain the idea of dating her in the beginning, you can read about all that in the Love at lost sight blog.
What eventually attracted me to her was who she was on the inside. Sometimes we have these lists of what we want in a person and we end up missing what’s in front of us. I fell in love with everything my wife had, even the stuff which were the total opposite of what I wanted.
All those things ended up being what I actually need in a wife because she’s a total opposite of who I am and because of that we balance each other very well.
She loves being out and I love being inside the house. If we both loved being inside, we’d be very boring because we’d lock ourselves in the house all day long but now we have a balanced life as to when we stay in or when do we leave to do something out of the house.
I’m a very soft spoken person and at times I just leave things be but my wife does not take any of that. She even makes sure that people don’t abuse me and end up walking over me. At times I don’t even see these things but because of the person she is, she can point things out and show me what’s wrong with the whole picture.
love the fact that we are so different from each other and that is what brings the excitement into our marriage. Our differences actually bring us closer to each other because we end up doing things we wouldn’t really do if I was with someone similar to me. I’m glad I decided to stick with this wrong order because it turned out to be the best thing ever.
WHAT SHE WANTED
Definitely a man that was I grounded in God and that served in some form ministry in the church.
A sweet but stern guy.
An African(black) guy was a no go for me, just had this perception that they are bossy and always want things done their way and as a woman you couldn’t voice us your concerns and feelings.
I always wanted this tall, masculine guy that would pick me up and throw me on the bed(just like the TV sold us these dreams mxm). A guy with the best legs (I HAVE A FETTISH FOR NICE LEGS- Toned, athlete legs!!!)
Wellllllllllllllllll the packaging was totally wrong, my handsome hubsta is a black African guy( This was a beautiful compromise because he actually doesn’t look like a black guy), we are the same height, not as masculine as I anticipated and his legs are workable. The contents that came out from this pack exceeded my expectations;
He loves God therefore we are a three stranded cord, unbreakable.
He serves in the worship team at church also part of a movement “We Will Worship”- how cool is that!!!
He is the sweetest, GUYS the sweetest!!! Anyone who’s had an encounter with him can vouch for this.
He serves me and our kids so well, never complains.
Hmmmm well the “stern” part is a bit blurred because my baby sees the positive in every situation and that sometimes is a problem because as he said he gets taken advantage off which ke grinds me but we are all under God’s construction and I’ve left this in his hands.
God knows what’s best for us and one of his promises is found in a well known scripture, Jeremiah 29:11-14 NLT
“For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disatster, to give you a future and hope. In those days when you pray I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. I will be found by you, says the Lord.”
Thanks for dropping by.
Love the Nachos
So my wife was my first girlfriend and I was 27 years when we started dating. I don’t believe it, a whole 27 year old without a girlfriend??? Well there are 2 reasons for this. Firstly we were not allowed to date at my church where I grew up so I was the good boy. Second reason is that as the years went and as I grew up, I did not want to be in a relationship. I wanted to focus on my studies and girls were the last thing on my mind, especially since the school I went to was very expensive so failing was not an option. Did I have crushes? Oh yes I did but I had self-control because I knew what I wanted and I was not going to let anything distract me. That’s a brief history of how I got to be single at 27.
So how did I meet this person who eventually became my wife? We were working for the same company but did not talk much. In 2010 she started hanging out with a friend of mine that I used to spend lunch time with, so at times she would come spend lunch time with us. After a few weeks my friend told me that Sindy said she likes me but from past experiences I just thought to myself, ag she’ll get over me like the other girls that liked me did. She did not know that my friend told me this secret of hers and I was also not gonna say anything because I was waiting for the crush to be over then she can move on.
Little did I know that I’m dealing with something else here.
As months went by we spent more time together.
In December 2010 before I went home for the holidays she invited me to go to Gold Reef City with her. This was the first time we were together outside of work but for me I was still on that friends thing and nothing more. We had a great time at Gold Reef and that opened up our friendship some more. I’m a very introverted person and my ideal weekend is sitting at home watching TV the whole day. One Friday afternoon she asked me what are my plans for the weekend and I told her that I will be home chilling so she asked if she can come for a visit and I was like ok cool. This happened quiet frequently, after some time I felt bad and I made her tell me that she likes me. Lol well I asked her who she likes and eventually she said me, and I acted all surprised like I had no idea. So I found a way of telling her that I’m not really in the right space of having a girlfriend at the time and she completely understood. Well I hope she did. I also did not want to date someone just because they like me because I was not gonna be serious with her.
Fast forward to a year and a few months later and she was still there, we’d go to movies, eat out together and hang out as friends. Until this other day when something went terribly wrong. I was chatting with my other friend (that I nearly dated – story for another day). So she was telling me that lately I seem to be spending a lot of time with Sindy, are we dating? I straight out said no we are not, she likes me but I’m not interested in her. I said some other things which were not nice just to push that point across that I did not like her that way. So me and Sindy were comfortable with going through each other’s phones and while I was chatting to my friend, she asked to use my phone. I forgot to close the screen so the first thing she came across was the chat between me and my friend and read all I said. After some time she gave me the phone back but did not say anything. She acted like everything was all fine. Later on in the evening I realised something is wrong when she was all quiet and was not texting me as usual. I sent her a message and she did not even respond to what I was saying. The next message I got from her was:
“From now on I will give you the space you need, I will not bother you anymore.”
I knew exactly what that meant and I knew that I messed up terribly. I don’t remember what my excuse was for saying what I said about her but one thing I remember is that I was terrible and lonely that evening. For the first time in months I was all alone again and this person was telling me she’s now out of my life and I could not blame her because she had every reason to. I knew she liked me and I did nothing about it, next thing I’m saying mean things about her to my friends.
That evening is when I actually realised that I’ve been trying so hard to convince myself that I’m just friends with her but I actually liked her. Only when she was out of my sight, that’s when I realised I like her. And it felt like I have lost her. I spent the night trying to come up with ways of telling her that I’m sorry. First thing in the morning when I got to work was send her an email listing 5 reasons why she is important in my life and how my life would suck without her in it. She was a bit hard on me, understandably so, but eventually she forgave me and we were back as friends again. Now since I knew that I liked her, I had to now tell her this before she eventually decides to move on.
This took days to do because I had no idea where to start. Eventually I decided to write down what I wanted to say because I was gonna fumble everything if I was gonna say it. So after writing it down I made her read it, after reading it all she said was “oh we’ll talk later” and she left. Later came and I think we were both shy to talk about it so we didn’t say anything about it. Later on she texted me and asked me a whole lot of questions about why I feel like that and all those questions and my responses eventually came to her saying yes.
That’s how we started dating. I call it “love at lost sight” because only when I lost sight of her, that’s when I realised that I actually like this person and she means a lot to me. Sometimes we have people in our lives that we take for granted and only when it’s late we realise how much value they added in our lives.
Imagine had she come to me and said “I have a boyfriend now so we can’t hang out as much”, that would have been a huge blow to me.
I’m grateful to her that she stuck around the whole time, I have no idea what made her stick around since her and patience are not the best of friends but I’m glad she befriended patience during that time. This resulted in us committing to spending the rest of our lives together.
I’ve learnt to appreciate people in my life and not take anyone for granted.
When you stretch an elastic band, you will see some lines or cracks but when you leave it, it will go back to being fine and you won’t see those cracks again.
Sometimes the same thing happens in our lives. We go through some situations where our lives get stretched so much that some cracks start to show and we may feel like we are about to snap. It may be something you are waiting on God for and him not responding at the time you want him to and as a result you get impatient. Or you have some financial problems and because of that, you feel anxious, angered or push your close friends away.
Those are some of the cracks that can show when our lives get stretched. Sometimes it may feel like some cracks are showing in our lives because of some things that we may be going through in life but it may be a good thing for us that these cracks show. If our lives were not stretched, we would not know that those cracks existed but because of this stretching we can see them. The main thing to do is to work on them so they never appear again.
So if you’ve been going through situations that have been stretching your life and cracks have been showing, don’t worry, just work towards closing those cracks and be happy that you can see and attend to them because there are people out there walking around with cracks that are just waiting to open up more and destroy them. Some cracks will be harder to close than others and some stretches will leave a mark in your life to remind you about what you went through but we must not see that mark as a scar but just as a reminder of where we come from and where God is taking you, eventually at the right time that mark will go away. Remember that everything has a reason and a season and every season has a purpose.
“That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
2 Cor 12:10
Remember: Even through these hard seasons, look great and shame the devil.
Love the Nacho’s
“Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from him..”
We love you baby girl.
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